A problem like Maria

I think there has been enough put out there about Katrina and its aftermath and the insufficient response from all governments -- federal down to local -- so I'm not going to get into that. Or the political and racial implications. Because honestly, that talk just makes me sad.

And then there's ...

MIAMI — The fifth hurricane of an already deadly season developed in the open Atlantic on Sunday, growing stronger as it moved over warm water but on a course expected to keep it away from land.

I think we've had enough of these.

Hitting the fan

I'm a jaded Florida resident now -- a survivor of three hurricanes -- so I haven't gotten excited as the Atlantic season has worked its way through 10 storm names (Arlene, Bret, Cindy, Dennis, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey, Irene and Jose). Some were only tropical storms; others made it to hurricane status. But none affected me, so it was hard to summon any interest. Unless, of course, the storm was one that I picked in the office hurricane pool.

But I had brunch this morning for a co-worker's birthday and two Louisiana residents (guests of Erin) joined us. Katrina is creating refugees.

And then I got to work, and I was handed an NOAA report that begins:

... DEVASTATING DAMAGE EXPECTED ...

And it goes on to say:

"Power outages will last for weeks ... as most power poles will be down and transformers destroyed. Water shortages will make human suffering incredible by modern standards."

Maureen said Fontaine&Liz&family have evacuated, which is good, because that means they're safe. But the fact that they had to evacuate means what they left behind might be destroyed.

Isn't it interesting that hurricanes are all fun and games until someone I know has the potential to lose everything?

Logger acrobatics

Tom's covering the Great Outdoor Games this weekend. You know: sporting dogs, ATV riding, timber events, target sports.

When I told Tom about Dennis' intensification, he said, "I know ... I'm going to be dodging projectile timber."

But really, isn't that what covering "log rolling" and "boom run" is all about? My favorite is "hot saw": Competitors use modified chain saws, most of them made from motorcycle or snowmobile engines that run on high-octane gas, jet fuel or alcohol. In head-to-head competition, each competitor will begin with the saw in the "off" position and at the call of "GO," both competitors will start their saws and make three consecutive full cuts through a 20" log, all within 7" of the end of the log in a down/up/down sequence.

Jet fuel? JET FUEL? I think there will be projectile timber -- Dennis or no Dennis.

This just in

Dennis is a Cat 4. And the cone of death (weather folk call it the "potential track area," but we journalists are all about drama) has shifted to the east. That means there's still a chance Tom's beloved barbecue grill could get carried away this weekend.

Moving on up

So Dennis is 1 mph from being a Cat 4.

Let's recap Category 4 storms for everyone:
Winds from 131 to 155 mph, storm surge 13-18 feet, damage extreme.

The bubble around the projected path just barely reaches the western coast of Florida, though. Pensacola gets slammed, again.

If this interferes with my plans to watch space shuttle Discovery's launch next week, I'll get hostile.

I'm a winner

MIAMI -- After picking up strength over the warm waters of the Caribbean, Tropical Storm Dennis became Hurricane Dennis Wednesday evening, the first hurricane of the Atlantic storm season.

I picked Dennis in the hurricane pool. Sweet!

Don't be silly. Hurricanes are not about death and destruction. They are about me winning the office pool into which I threw $5, thankyouverymuch.

Arlene advances

"WE LOVE HYPE!!! Screw substance."
-- TV reporter P.R.T. re: Arlene, which is expected to skip Central Florida but is still getting tons of coverage on the local stations

So Arlene isn't coming anywhere near me in Orlando. Good news. Pensacola is going to take a hit, and they're still recovering from Ivan. Bad news.

I was up early enough this morning -- 8:30! -- to hear obnoxious radio shows in my car. One was giving away prizes every 15 minutes for two hours, or something like that. Not concert tickets or CDs, but generators. Yes, generators. Given away. On a morning radio show. I guess they cost at least $500, which makes them quite valuable. I should have called in to win one, and then kept it in the box until the next big storm, when I could price-gouge one of my neighbors.

Hurricanes bring out the best in everyone.

I escaped

There's a tornado watch blanketing Central Florida right now -- except Brevard County. Guess where I am.

That's right. Visiting everyone's favorite TV reporter in Melbourne.

Ha ha! (in Sean Connery Celebrity Jeopardy! voice)

Overheard in the newsroom

Amid claps of thunder that can be heard even in this bunker of a building:

Night news editor: "We've got to keep track of this storm ... tornado in south Orange ..."

Good grief.

We're going to get slammed

Things conspiring against the solidity of my roof and the dryness of my floors:

1. NOAA's predicting 12-15 tropical storms, 7-9 hurricanes and 3-5 major hurricanes in the Atlantic.

2. A National Weather Service guy has noted a connection between May rains and hurricanes.
More rain in May = Weaker hurricanes and fewer hurricanes.
Less rain in May = Hold on to your hats.
Just in case you were wondering, average May rainfall is 3.55 inches. We've had 1.79.

3. Some UCF weather geniuses have calculated the percent chance that certain areas will experience hurricane-force winds (more than 74 mph). On an average year, for example, Cape Canaveral is looking at a 3.45 percent chance. This year, it's 4.93 percent. In Orlando it's usually a 4 percent chance; for the 2005 season, it's 4.9 percent. There's a 1 in 10 chance Naples will see a 'cane.

I don't like these odds.